The subject of leadership and management came up at work and someone made the claim that behind the drive toward leadership was envy. I didn't quite buy the argument, but couldn't articulate why. Being as I'm deeply broken inside, I had no recourse but to begin dissecting the emotion of envy and examining what it is.

First, I started writing down a list of emotions that are often conflated with envy; jealousy, admiration, resentment, egalitarianism, ambition, and greed. Then I set about understanding how to distinguish each from envy.

I noticed that these emotions shared a common set of attributes. Each seems to have a subject (the person feeling the emotion), a rival (the person in possession of the thing in question), and an object (the thing in question).

Jealousy, it seems, can be distinguished from envy by virtue of the focus of the subject. If the focus of the subject is the rival, then it's envy, but if the focus is the object, it's jealousy. Put differently, if you have the attention of a beautiful girl and I want that attention for myself, I am jealous. If I'm just unhappy that you are getting that attention, it's envy.

Admiration can be distinguished from envy by virtue of what would satisfy the emotional need. If a copy of the object would suffice to make me happy, then it was admiration. If I won't be happy without having the original, then it was envy. For example, if you have a great job and I work hard so that I can get a great job, too, then I admired you. If, instead, I would only be happy if I got you removed from the job and took your place, then I was experiencing envy.

Egalitarianism is often called another name for class envy or wealth envy. While I think a lot of people hide their envy behind an egalitarian mask, I don't believe they are the same thing. I posit that if the subject would be more content to see both him and his rival without the object, then is is legitimately egalitarian. If, however, he would be equally or more content if he possessed the object instead of his rival, then his egalitarianism is a charade. The latter is envy. So, if you have a mansion and a limo and I would prefer that no one have such things, then I am thinking as an egalitarian. If I complain about your mansion and limo, but would secretly like to have one myself, it's simple envy.

On reflection, I found that resentment, ambition, and greed are not dichotomous with envy. One can have a resentful envy, a greedy jealousy, or an ambitious admiration. These emotions don't sit beside but separate from envy and the like, but instead enhance or modify them.

This brought questions to my mind:

1. Does a desire to challenge oneself have a rival and an object?
2. Does a desire for power inherently have a rival?
3. Does envy harm the subject to feel it?
4. Does envy harm the rival who is made aware?
5. Is envy localized to perceived competitors?
6. Does focus on rival or object modify admiration in a meaningful way like it does for envy and jealousy?

None of this really directly addresses the question that was originally posed, but now I'm more confidently able to discuss it.

And yeah, I'm a weirdo. Deal with it.

So, Matt comes by my office this morning while I'm drinking my coffee.  He tells a joke and out spits the coffee every which a way.  I haven't done that in a while.  I mean, it spewed all over me and my desk.  Solid, Matt.  Asshole!  :)

How do I recover grace and dignity?  Starbucks!  Yes I am drinking my nonfat Mocha as I type this.

That's how you take a day that starts off less awesome and rediscovered its awesomeness.  Sometimes, it just takes such a small thing to make a person smile.  Today, that small thing is Starbucks Mocha.  For some non-discriminating women, that small thing may be Matt's penis.

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Ever heard of the Fundamental Attribution Error? It's that little inner voice that tells you that when others do things it's because they have personalities that drive them toward that behavior, but when you do things it's due to situational necessities.

Bob was angry? Well, of course he was. He is an unhappy grump of a man. I was angry? Well, of course I was. It was a tough day.

This sort of cognitive bias makes self-criticism difficult. It is the bugbear that says to you, "He just wants to irritate me!" and "Why's he so mad?  I didn't do it on purpose!."

I don't have any great insight to offer here. It's just something that's on my mind lately. It's worth keeping our biases on the top of our minds lest we forget that we are not always the protagonist in other's minds and those we see as our antagonist's do not often see themselves in that same light.

Approach the world with a little humility and watch the difference it makes.

• Defying Gravity (shoeshrink.com)
• Fundamental Attribution Error and Progressive Economic Policies (themoderatevoice.com)

So, at work yesterday someone said that my degree in Religious Studies was essentially a degree in rhetoric. Of course, it was meant as a joke (mostly), but I think there's some truth there.

Firstly, I atended a Liberal Arts college, and as you may (or may not) know rhetoric was one of the three original Liberal Arts (along with logic and grammar), so there's some basis for saying that I got a degree in rhetoric.

Secondly, rhetoric has been a core component of politics and religion from the beginning. From Aristotle to Augustine, Cicero to Kierkegaard, the need to speak convincingly has always been a part of any movement intended to sway people toward an opinion. So, in that sense, I studied a great deal of rhetorical works and some truly phenomenal rhetorical speakers and writers.

But I have to disagree that the program is essentially a degree in rhetoric. Saying that the study of religion is the study of rhetoric is like saying that the study of war is the study of tanks. You can't avoid learning a little about it, but the focus in a properly managed religious studies program is elsewhere.

Of course, the person who said that knew this. He just wanted to see if he could spin me up. Didn't work, but because I like the topic I decided to post something about it anyway.

A post-it doodle inspired by the day.  :)

If you don't know what Filemover or Lifeline are, don't be surprised. This is an inside joke.

This, too, has passed.  Like all things doomed to die,
Filemover's hundred moving parts in a thousand pieces lie.
Tales be told and songs be sung,
The drum be beat and the bell be rung.
We have crushed Filemover and seen it driven before us,
Let the lamentations of its women be our cheerful chorus!
"It's dead!  It's dead!", let them wail; let them moan.
The crops it now reaps are the seeds its incompetence hath sown.
For my part, I lift a cup in celebration of its fate,
And pray that Lifeline, its better son, ne'er warrants this much hate.

I brought in my little rock garden from home on account of being told my office was too bare.  There.  Now I have something.  :)

All experience is an arch wherethrough gleams that untravelled world whose margin fades for ever and for ever when I move.

Alfred Lord Tennyson (Poet, 1809--1892) wrote that. Damned if he wasn't right. The more we learn, the more we see that we have yet to learn.

We all went out to celebrate my promotion.  I really do work with some great people.  Not all are represented here.  This is the management staff.  There are also a ton of awesome people on my team that helped make me look good enough to get this promotion.  I really owe all of them a big thanks.

I'm going city to city - i'm already lost. Tell the boss who is new in town.
I'll ride this horse 'til it it bucks me off and i'm forced to shoot it down.
I'll take him out for some gasoline. Trade this cow for some magic beans.
Gonna make mom proud of the deals that I made, 'cause I'm just a modern day Johnny Appleseed