Probably more due to my Asperger's than anything else, I can't rely on the intuitive understanding of body language that others can. I don't naturally read facial expressions and I don't naturally empathize with emotive gestures. Thankfully, I've learned that being able to do that is important and I've worked hard on it. I often get called out for the odd way in which I read body language rationally rather than emotively. That's fair. I studied it as best I could. It was the only way I was going to get anywhere in life. Because people are always asking me what a gesture, look, or tone means, I figured it might be worth putting some of that in my blog.

Hands are telling. People who keep their hands still while talking are often being reserved. A person who is gesturing with their palms up are generally receptive and open to the discussion or activity, whereas the palms down indicates an aggressiveness or controlling attitude toward the situation. Pointing is often called rude. Well, it can be if it's excessive, but done subtly and without rigid or quick motions, pointing at a person makes them feel important to the speaker.

A firm handshake matters. It's not just a wives' tale. It gives the receiver the impression of self confidence. Cutting motions with the hands are a sign that the speaker is trying to explain a detail, dissect a problem, or clarify a nuance. On the flip side, the same motion is often perceived as aggressive and even hostile, so be careful in using it. People who position their hands oddly in photos are generally insecure with their bodies. You may think that tossing up a faux gang sign is funny or a peace sign is cool, and you are probably right, but when you do it a lot, you are telling the world that you want them seeing the humor you present and not the person presenting it. Luckily for you, most people don't know that, so your (perhaps subconscious) secret insecurity is safe. Fidgeting with your fingers is, as most people know, a sign of boredom. That said, it's less corollary than you might think. It is also a sign of physical discomfort, social uncertainty, and just excess energy. So, don't assume the guy listening to you while drumming his fingers on the desk is bored. Likewise, avoid fidgety fingers. It is almost universally interpreted as a bad thing, even when it's not. Getting agreement is easier if you use your hands as well. If you want someone to say yes, start with subtle up and down gestures. Perhaps cycling your hands in front of yor chest while explaining something. It will be interpreted as you saying something already apparent and will have the listener predisposed to giving an agreeing nod at the end. Avoid side sweeping motions, as that will hurt your chances for agreement.

I could go on, but you get the idea. There's a lot that most people take for granted in non verbal communication. Knowing what those details are can help. Especially for someone like me who just can't get it normally. Yes, it does suck being me. Maybe I'll post something about reading the eyes another time. They are far more expressive and telling than hands. :-)